you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
His hands were made for my vagina.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
