Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
