I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
