But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
