she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
