Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
