remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
