I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
porn star boner night. come get it.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
