I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
