I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
