I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
