well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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