i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
