I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
