she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
