When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
