i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
