why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
