you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
