You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
