i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
