He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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