I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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