I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
