Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
