Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
