i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
