Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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