My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
