I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
