If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
