He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
