I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
