I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Randomize
