NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize