I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
