I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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