Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Its about making memories worth repressing
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
