He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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