a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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