it was like having sex with a tree stump
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
