you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
