I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
