No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
