It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
