At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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