I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
