32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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