Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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