And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
