porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
