covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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