best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
