This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
