Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
