I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
