The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
