Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
