paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
