you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
