i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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