Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
