Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
