Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
