I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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