So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
