well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
