i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
