How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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