Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
