I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
