Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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