before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
