u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
